The Morning After...

Tuesday, November 8th

My stomach declared I could no longer fast under stress, nor remain asleep. With deep resignation and feeling like waking was a trauma, I got up from bed, washed and made myself human and presentable, then headed up to the house for Dad's usual breakfast-o'clock.

.... ugh... what does he see in fried kidneys. I fed them to Brighid.

Apparently Darsh called requesting aide for Blythe's family, if we could put them up and keep them safe. I looked to Levi to confirm that Blythe has a real family and not some fictional in her head Technocratic false memory of one. Apparently she has an actual family: husband and three kids. I felt it was right to protect them. I think Mom and Dad did, too. But, I could tell they were uncomfortable. Maybe because the family are connected to technocrats or maybe because they were not magic-y... uh... Awakened.

I had to ask. Can more housing be build in the Horizon Realm? Can the Horizon Real be... expanded? The answer was a yes with a pause. I figure that means it is not easy, also... must be well beyond my capabilities.

Levi headed to the Dojo into Terra Perma to contact Blythe and confirm things.

Guess we'll see what this new fucked up day will bring.

Tying Up Loose Ends

Later Monday, November 7th

After getting everything we could immediately rush into the Sanctuary from the apartment, I spent a great deal of time in Mum's Teahouse. I could have done the same in my own place, but it was packed to the rafters with both my and Levi's stuff.

Dad came to give me a very Dad-like hug. He is sympathetic. I think he knows too well what this experience is like. I love his groundedness and his gentle push to think about what I want to do in the coming future, then he gave me space and helped Levi move his stuff from my tiny place up into the big house.

I feel uprooted. And I must further uproot. But, I also feel honorably obliged to tie up the loose things in my life. Closure is important to me. So is not leaving people hanging who might be depending on me to save other people's lives.

I am an EMT serving both the Paramedics at the GLEN and serving Concordia. In another few months, I would have accumulated enough service hours to apply for Paramedic training and licensing. I am pretty sure I can do with Life Magic what a Paramedic does, maybe more. So losing that opportunity is not the end of the world. However, II wrote up my letters of resignation to both entities. Popped every so briefly into the mundane world to send those off and to stick a note in the apartment for Enke about vacating the place.

My thesis for graduation is so close to being done. It just needs a last edit. I sent word to Concordia that I intend to maintain my graduation this semester, but will not attend the ceremony. I told them to hang onto my Graduation certificate as I will pick it up in person whenever I am next able to. I then locked myself in my place in the Sanctuary to do those last edits. A note on my door saying:

THESIS WRITING
DISTURB AND DIE

I took a break long enough and early enough to hate my cluttered space and to tie up one last loose end. I stepped thru to the apartment, looked wistfully at my favorite larger furnishings, then refocused. BANK. I headed to the nearby bank and literally emptied my account of all its funds. I forgot I had so much in there. I told them I was buying a big expensive vehicle and wanted to pay in cash for a better deal from the dealer. Apparently that is a normal thing to do as the teller nodded knowingly at me and wished me luck.

I took ONE serious risk...

A fast trip to the paper supply store whereby I bought a BUNCH of notebooks I liked the feel of, some I thought Levi would like with leather covers, a dozen or more fountain pens including a their $5k Urushi they usually only have for show because who in their right mind buys a pen at that price? Me apparently. And about 30 bottles of ink. I should be set for a while.

I dropped it all off in my Sanctuary house... that still looked like chaos. Nope. I cannot... CANNOT... handle this clutter. So ya, one way or another, I intended to fight my larger furnishings thru the portal. They came into the house, they bloody well can make it out. It took a great deal of manly grunting, physical strength, and screaming curses. I felt much better after that.

I felt even more stable and focused once I organized things again and plowed through more of my thesis edits. It was well past midnight. I crossed to the dojo and out into Terra Perma to email off my thesis for the last time and note the resignation acceptances. 

When I came back, I was exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually... exhausted. I felt a mix of numb and empty... and very very tired. I collapsed on my futon and snuggled Brighid till I slept.

DEED... done...

Monday, November 6th

After spending time to memorize the faces of the two targets and meticulously make poison, I was up very early for my "New Job" and bringing my usual backpack. I have my newly provisioned uniform, a pocket notebook and fountain pen, oh... and the bottle of poison.

I am trying very hard to not think too hard about the task I am about to do. 

5:30am and I arrive on time at the Second Cup. I ignored Levi when I pass him on my way there. I shyly introduced myself to my new boss there and get directed into the training for day one, newbie training handling coffee & espresso/cappuccino.

I just watch for the "targets"... everything else is up to Levi, then Blythe, while I disappear after.

7am
Matrello arrives on time like clockwork, orders distractedly as he answers a call on his cell. I prepped his coffee (duly poisoned) and his ordered banana bread, hand them over and continues about my newbie barista work.Martello walks off still talking on the phone. He takes the East Exit past Levi and so is Levi's responsibility now.

Center & Ground! I managed to fuck up the next two orders of coffee and apologize as only the timid newbie I am can. "Sorry! I'm new... day one here. I am really sorry." I hand over the correct coffee.

8am... almost
Nordan showed up a bit early. Not the end of the world. He ordered his coffee and likewise answered a convenient call. I prepped his coffee (duly poisoned as before) and handed it over. He stopped, stared... I think he recognized me! How does he know me? Does he? I pretended not to notice and continued with the next few orders in the now morning rush. My heart was practically racing. EEEK!!

BATHROOM BREAK!

I strip off the uniform and change into plain clothing, grab my backpack, pop out the side stairs to Mansfield street, and take the metro home. I grab my journalling supplies and Brighid and head through to the Sanctuary. I desperately needed the feeling of SAFETY! I dropped everything onto my futon and walked off into the woods to just SCREAM for a bit and pray this was the right thing. I will then just sit on a log to compose? Fail... center and ground over and over.

Levi checks in on me to see if I am ok. That is kind of him. If I had a crush on him... those feelings are smashed to bits by all this and there is definitely no future there... I think. I cannot think about a relationship... I can see why war folks fuck before or after. Nope, I am not ok. Yes, give me lots of space for a while... so I can scream some more.

Once calm, I snuggle with Brighid in the Zen Garden.

Once I felt more stable, I seek out Levi.... I need to know the results of what I just did.

Martello... dead

Nordan... dead but... the job was almost botched and the Nephandi are likely alerted.

SHIT!!!

Deep breath... time to clear the apartment of anything and everything we can swiftly move through to the Sanctuary. Emptied the car too, assuming it will just have to be abandoned. I took the license plate and scratched what ID stuff I could find and reach. Anything to make it harder to id the owner. It is just a scrappy car.

The next hours are spent compartmentalizing... and having tea in the little teahouse... meditating... more tea... snuggling Brighid...

-------------------------------------------------------

Somewhere after the chaos of what happened with Riley and MurderBot... and MurderBot wants a cat...

Weekend Before the DEED

November 4 & 5

For this all to work, two things will happen at the same time. Riley and Murder Bot will take out the more dangerous of the three targets. I, as Lee the Second Cup Barista trainee, will poison the coffee the other two targets. Levi will be a customer in the Second Cup and will hopefully muddle their minds so they do not notice any changes in their coffee. My parents will be close to snatch me and Levi and I to safety in case something goes wrong at this stage. Blythe is to handle the targets after, complete the mission, by making sure help does not reach them in time.

What are we all doing over the weekend in preparation?

Levi is meditating, drawing, doing whatever quiet thing he is doing in the Sanctuary as he prepares for what I am sure will be heavy magical work with his mind. Mind is not a sphere of mine. 

I am preparing in a much more mundane way. I am very very carefully collecting Water Hemlock, extracting his juices and concentrating the toxin. I will tweak it with a little Life magic... tho life is the opposite of his tasks. Liquid Death it is. Am I ok with this? No. Is it necessary? I really hope so. I can be steady. I need to be. This is work, not unlike when I am at the hospital, at an event, or in an ambulance. Deep breath, center and ground, stay focused and concentrated. Be it so.

I am not sure what Blythe and Riley and Murder Bot... in their safehouse who knows where.

---

Riley gets a pherba from some woman. It is to kill the soul of a Nephandi so that it does not reincarnate (or body hop). But first, Riley needs to be be cleansed, purified, blessed... made ritually ready.

Oh. My. Gods! I am planning to kill someone.....

 Yup... I am complicit to premeditated murder. Going forward with this evening's plans with any measure of attempt or even success could land me in prison for the rest of my life. I understand that Nefandi are so bad that this is worth the risk. We had better not be wrong. I feel morally obligated to help... but equally morally obligated to not kill innocent people.

As we waited for people to arrive, I downloaded a database program so I can make all this damnable data searchable. Then I made tea...... and coffee, because I know some do not drink tea. When we were called to see if there was anything we wanted (they are bringing host gifts for hospitality?!) I said something "strong" because I think I will need to break my normal refual for alcohol and drink something for fortification.

So... they came.... with a GIANT ...... murderbot.

We talked about the ways to take out the three Nefandi. My parents might help. The freaky Felicity might help. That is a lot of "might" and not much "true confirmation".

My role, I will make a potent extract of WaterHemlock for the cicutoxin and add it to the coffee of two of the targets. It will be arranged for me to be an employee there for the day. Ideally, my parents will be not too far and able to help as backup. Levi and Blythe and maybe Felicity will intercept the two guys I poison as they leave the Second Cup on their way to work. Then I will then make myself scarce. Meanwhile, Riley and Murderbot will take out the third guy when he leaves his house but before he gets into his "unit" which is like some kind of specially protective vehicle.

This will happen Monday.

After the planning... there was the weirdest attempt at socializing. This was more awkward than being forced to dance at a wedding.

Murderbot then attempted to coax Brighid out of my room and pet her. Pardon... MY room and MY familiar. I am not sure why I was so unreasonably protective of her. Maybe because I don't know this... thing... and am not exactly friends with these people.

Levi has a picture of a bug that was created and then had gotten out of hand and had to be dealt with. It was in interesting story, tho I can see it was rather embarrassing for him. I think I can conclude that Murderbot is in a weird way twisted comic relief.

I just want to hide for a bit and journal. Is it too rude of me to do so right here with everyone present?

I need sleep... then need to go find my parents to get some kind of sure answer about their help.... and THEN need to craft a poison.

Help?

Will November 3rd ever end?!

Mom came thru the portals to my apartment. I wish that was more exciting and nerve-wracking in the way it should be for the normal average person having their mom over for the first time ever in their first apartment. This was a bit of a let-down in those terms. Mom came, glanced about, vetted Enke the Murder Nanny, and then saw herself out after agreeing to discuss with Dad about helping us out.

So... tentative help?

I checked in on Levi. He had a rough evening. His help fell through badly apparently.

We checked in with Blythe and Riley. GAK! Riley literally went missing after futsing with some magical button. Seriously? Magical button of unknown properties? In all the fretting.... Riley did show back up again with some other person to help.

Not having any clue how to handle helping Bythe and Riley sort out the issues that have with the three targets. Nor sort out the questionable target. OH! WAIT! FULL MOON! Yes... I can do something.

Divination! I have never thot my divination a useful thing till this moment. DUH! I fetched my cards and did a couple short readings for clearish answers. Concluding answer? Questionable guy is either Naphandi (how the hell to I spell that?) or seriously in league with them. So... might as well be one.

I wonder... can I use divination to PLAN an outcome and manipulate time and outcomes?
No... definitely NOT going to play with that notion. It is just a question to ask someone else much later.

I did realize that I absolutely could manipulate coffee to be poisonous. I am just not used to thinking outside the box and with my magical spheres.

I invited Blythe and Riley... and uh... their help?... to our place for tea. OH SHIT! Enke! Blythe isn't supposed to know she is here. Enke decided to go for a walk and I could text her when our meeting over tea was over. Hm... I put on coffee, remembering that Riley and Blythe do not do tea.

While preparing coffee and tea, I popped onto Amazon.ca and hunted up a nice folding screen that can go into the living room to give Enke some discreet privacy.

Reigning it in

Yes... still Nov. 3rd, 2017...... 

I took the portal to Terra Perma with Brighid. I knew I was early by a little bit, so I didn't want to be in the Horizon Realm just yet. I wanted to get a hold of myself and reign in the turmoil. I will not be able to learn anything or save lives if I am out of sorts as I have been. 

The start of reigning things in was resolving my anger with Levi and giving him the gift as a reminder that I care and am not mad at him. This is NOT all his fault. He was not able to speak about thing. He is a little younger than I am. I bet he is just as scared. I have been a rock for so many other people. I need to be a rock for him, too. I can do that.

I started working on my focus and reminding myself of my values through the jounralling and the transcribing of The Art of Peace. I took a walk through the real world woods. BRRRRrrrrr...... Then I sat on a meditation mat in Wellness Center that Mom uses as a dojo or workshop training area. There I sat and did some more transcribing.

The Art of Peace is the art of learning deeply,
the art of knowing oneself.

From here, I got up and moved through every kata I know, every movement of Aikido and every motion related to Do. I stretched and moves slow so as to maintain deep control as I had seen Andrew do. I did not put power or magic behind any of it, just feeling my body remember the movements. Being one with these movements was a good feeling. After, I stood, centered, and grounded. I poured myself some tea from my thermos into my personal cup and sat to transcribe a little more.

Study the teachings of the pine tree, the bamboo, and the plum blossom.
The pine is evergreen, firmly rooted, and venerable.
The bamboo is strong, resilient, unbreakable.
The plum blossom is hardy, fragrant, and elegant.

I can be deeply rooted and rely on old teachings and wisdom. I can be strong and flexible... unbreakable. I can be enduring and graceful/gracious.

To practice properly the Art of Peace, you must:
- Calm the spirit and return to the source.
- Cleanse the body and spirit by removing all malice, selfishness, and desire.
- Be ever grateful for the gifts received from the universe, your family, Mother Nature, and your fellow human beings.

I took some time to meditate deeply and release the stress within. I am better than this, better than I have been. I can do better. I need to. People will be counting on me.

I felt a great deal more stable after all this. I refilled my teacup and stepped outside to face the north. I touched the ground with my palms, leaving my teacup between my feet, and offered my thanks for the ground upon which I walk and the stability Earth provides me. 

I turned to the east and spread my arms out wide, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I gave thanks to Air for the air that I breathe and the knowledge I have in my head through all I have learned so far. 

I turned to the south, made fists, and crossed by wrists over my chest. I gave thanks to Fire for the fires outside of that keep us warm, protect us, and cook our food. I also gave thanks for the Fire within, the spark of inspiration and courage to do what is write... even if it is scary. 

I turned to the west, picked up my teacup, sipped about half and poured a libation of the rest upon the ground. I gave thanks to Water for sustaining me, refreshing me, and reminding me to be fluid/flexible/adaptable. I thanked Water for lending is qualities of healing to all that I do and will do.

Finally, I returned to facing north. I performed a self blessing, touching feet, knees, groin, chest, and lips:

Blessed be my feet that walk the sacred path.
Blessed be my knees that kneel at the sacred altar.
Blessed be my loins from which spring forth pleasure and life.
Blessed be my chest formed in beauty and in strength.
Blessed be my lips that utter the sacred words.
Blessed be all of me.

One final Centering and grounding out in this cold and then I rook my teacup and myself back inside. I think I am ready now. I packed my things in my backpack and lifted Brighid to my shoulder. Then I used the portal there in the back to enter the Sanctuary's dojo.

I hope Mom is back and has resolved things with Dad. I hope I am doing the right thing.

I walked to the house seeking them out and seeking dinner.