Week 1 in HR

 Funny how HR no longer means Human Resources to me......

November 11th... 

Remembrance Day.... Normally this is important. As an EMT, I would be working overtime with Veterans today. I usually work for free, volunteering with the Shriners.

Today, I had my own little breakdown and didn't get to bed till pre-dawn.

Barely a few hours later, my phone rings. WTF? I literally fall out of bed thinking I am late for work or On Call, hunt all over for my phone, and finally answer it as I realize we are in the HR and there should be no signal. Levi is calling... and I have WFT! 6 BARS!? where did a 6th bar come from? The connection is a WiFi or maybe data thing... called FNET. Again... wtf? Is the F in FNET for fucked?

Breakfast... It was a call to breakfast. I think I told him to fuck off and threw the phone across the room. I can't remember. Ten minutes later, i got up anyhow and put myself together. Blythe's family should be arriving.

Sure enough, when I get there, Riley and Blythe are there with a dog, a stranger (his name turns out to be Peter and he is Blythe's husband), and three children (twin 12 yr old girls and a 7 yr old boy). I dig out the fancy teacup and set the girls up with fun fancy fruity tea. Murazaki and Andrew arrive too. Once bitten, Twice shy they say. I am reserved around her. Out of piety, politeness, and propriety, I serve tea starting thru the social ranks with Andrew. Coffee for those who won't do tea.

After breakfast, we head out the the House in the Woods for Blythe's family, bringing their stuff. I offer to show the children about the trails, teach them some woods safety, and teach the girls Tea stuff. They are cute and sweet... and it gives me something to focus on that is a bit more positive. Kids I guess are easier to be with than adults. I am less shy with them.

November 12-17

This first week was... surreal... unreal? I do normal things like take the kids for a walk when their dad doesn't, teach them wild things, do tea parties with the girls to occupy them (I think I have fangirls), nest... yes nest. I properly unpacked into the newer space and made a ritual space for myself inside. I have been meditating, and working out at the dojo, sometimes with Andrew (learning Do) or my mum (learning the jo staff), often alone.

I try hard to not cut myself. Sometimes I just need to feel something more real and that is a sharp real feeling. But, I try not to. I heal it after. I know I need help, that I should ask for help from... someone... but no one here is really qualified.

I made a kitty door so Brighid can come and go as she pleases, follow me if she wants.

At the end of the week, it got weird again.... Riley showed up at my door. He had a black cat, Andrew's cat. I figured it was a familiar. Brighid was kind of freaked out by it. It's name is Zatafax. I vaguely recalled a story from Levi about a Zatafax getting caught in the creation of a HR by accident and turning out to be a GIANT cat in it. Having 'touched' Andrew's sword... I was more content to think of this cat as a familiar than anything very weird. Also... Riley's problem. As it turns out... I walked into a conversation at my parents' place over drinks... Riley and I are the only ones with no actual real life experience of Zatafax. Weird... again... So, Blythe and Levi had similar Awakenings. I am not even going to try to remember or understand that conversation. 

I just wanted to find out what was for supper....

Apparently, Levi has worked with Ecstatics. Remember? I said the conversation was WEIRD! In the newly magical world I Awakened to, the understanding was to not work with them. They were like and STD, you needed protection or you might catch something unwanted. Levi went from the weird of Felicity to the weird of Ecstatics. I will just take that notion of a vague fading crush and just... drown it in antiseptic, thanks.

I don;t understand why the local muggles cannot be let in on understanding what is going on. I still think we should have unAwakened allies. Everyone seems to be of a firm NO on the matter. I think the twins would get a kick out of it. SIGH! Fine, I will do "magical color changing tea" with them... it is chemistry and not actually magic.

I did the good host thing and walked Blythe to the door as she needed to get back to her family for dinner. I regretted it. She totally brought up asking how I was, saying she understands things like this can mess people up. If I ever wanted to talk, she says I could talk to her. That she might be able to help me cope. I was fine till that moment. Then it was hard to breathe and I tried to wall her out, not feel, shut out what happened. She got me into this! I don't want her help. It is not like she can give me my life back.

I went back to the room and accepted a swig from Riley's flask. O>>>M>>>F>>>G>>> that was vile. It burned all the way down and stole my breath. If ever I needed a reminder to stick to tea, juice, and water... that was it!