Throat, Jin/Compassion & Family

November 23rd

This is a day I spend with family. I will go hunting with my dad... not that I hunt much. I use a bow when I do. I practices healing at a distance while we hunted. I considered asking Riley along. I think he would enjoy the hunting, tho might get frustrated with me healing our prey. It is good practice for me. As this is so early in the morning... OMG too early!... I have the rest of the day. The morning was devoted to being with Dad. I will help him out in any projects he is doing this morning. The afternoon is devoted to Mum. That inevitable means Do training and Jo training, but it also means tea ceremony and meditations and the making of herbal remedies. Crafting medicines.

Today is day 5 and focuses on the Throat Chakra and the Bushido Virtue of Jin, Compassion. The Throat is connected to the mouth, nose, and ears. It is for listening and communicating... and sometimes just holding silence. Gin is about helping and being compassionate, always and with all beings.

Today I wear blues, my blue jeans and light blue shirt with a heavier jacket because of the morning hunting. When I am with Mum, I wear my lighter blue gi. The stones I took out today are sodalite (creativity, easing fears and doubts, communication, inner peace, mind over body) and blue lace agate (improves memory, soothes and calms, happiness, brings focus), which I keep in my pockets. I hunted up lavender, mint, and eucalyptus and hung bundles in my ritual space for the smells. Today's tea is a ginseng oolong with blue butterfly pea flowers, sweetened with honey. It is a very BLUE tea. I will share some with Levi and hold silence with him for a break in my training with Mum. Breakfast was blueberry waffles with blueberry syrup. Lunch was a very light salad with shrimps and lemon vinegrette. Supper was fun. I made blue rice to go with whatever dad made for dinner.

Throat Chakra is about truth, listening, and communicating. It is also about responsibility. Communicating is always difficult for me. Even if this chakra's right is...

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK... AND BE HEARD!

But no one seems to ever listen to me. I keep trying to tell people that I do not want to kill, to fight... I am a healer. I want to be a healer. I WANT TO BE A HEALER! CAN YOU HEAR ME! I WANT TO BE A HEALER! I stand in front of my hut and yell to the sky.

I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT AND KILL! I WANT TO BE A HEALER!

Can anyone hear me? Is anyone listening?

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK AND BE HEARD!

I sit a long time in my ritual space after that just being quiet and breathing, trying not to feel like i am being choked to death by what people think are my responsibilities.

This chakra is blocked by lies, especially those we tell ourselves. What am I lying about? ......

So be it. I am not ok. I am not coping well. I am trying but I am not ok. I cannot do this. I cannot be what they want me to be. I can only be me... a healer.

... Let me be a healer... please.... hear me... listen to me....