Root, Gi/Integrity, & Night Vision

November 19th

Today, I started raking some of the trails. I am making piles that the kids can jump in later when I get them big enough for that kind of fun. I loaned the twins my book 1 of Harry Potter, I hope they enjoy it. I trained some more with Mom and my Jo staff. I hope to one day turn it into something called a Wonder.

I tried to do the Rite of Consecration at a distance on a tree. Not much changed. There wasn't really anything negative about it. Now it is just extra Quintessent and sacred? I get the feeling that I won;t be practicing this in this HR. I don;t want anyone doing dark things here just so I can practice cleansing them. Maybe I will talk to Dad about that later, and see if he knows how to practice that safely or if he can help me learn it. Or... maybe I am being totally stupid and it is just not something that can actually be dine at a distance.

Well, so far that has meant practicing sensing and seeing with Forces and Prime and Spirit lots everywhere. I am almost bored with this aspect. I think next weekend I will go to more energetic places and do all my sensing there to see what I get.

Today is Day 1 of working on Root Chakra and the first Bushido Virtue of Gi (Integrity). That means lots of grounding and earthy stuff....

I wore black pants and a brown sweater and a red scarf. There are my root chakra colors. I focused much of my martial katas and practice on my legs and did a great deal of deep grounding exercises. Oh! And I moved more rocks. I built a stone cairn not far from my Momiji tree and some smaller ones as trail markers for the kids. I dug out of my trunk my hematite stone, jet stone, and my red jasper from my lithomancy kit. I set those on my little bamboo table in the ritual space to work with later. I went back and decided to keep them in my pocket instead. Hematite: grounding and protection, warrior's stone, survival, law & judgment. Red Jasper: grounding and courage, security and stability, drive away evil spirits (well... either the stone doesn't work or there are no actual evil spirits in our HR). Jet: grounding, delving into the mystery for wisdom, healing the damaged soul. By lunch, I put the hematite and jasper back on the bamboo table, but decided to carry the jet stone throughout the day. I collected moss and added it to my rocky garden space i created near the Momiji tree. My tea that I drank throughout the day was a black tea, an earl grey that was heavy on the bergamot and the vanilla, weighed down with cream too. I good grounding tea for me. Often Lapsang Soochong is recommended.... but it tastes like licking a fouled peat bog, no thanks. That would not inspire safety, comfort, or grounding to me. I did eat more heavily today. Good stick to the ribs oatmeal with nuts and red berries. Lunch was a meat sandwich with a grainy bread that I actually struggled to make myself in the morning. It turned out lumpy and very heavy, but also very edible. I hope others like bread. I need not be worried about having a heavy dinner. Dad cooks, so it will be meaty and full of vegetables. I asked for red meat, root veggies and potatoes. I think he started a stew my the smells of things. MMmmm hearty beef and barley stew. Perfect for the root chakra. Thank you Dad! My snacks thru the day have been cranberry almost granola bars smeared with peanut butter. 

I should have started this last week. Just making this my focus today has helped me feel so much more ... me... and at home.

Tonight, I will consider the questions and rights related to the root chakra. Not right now, tho.

Today's mantra has been the Bushido Virtue of Gi, Integrity. Integrity is about being true to yourself, living who you are, walking your talk. Sticking to the commitments and decisions we have made. What is mine? I am a HEALER, not a killer. I won't step off that path again. That is how I can be respected and trusted by others. That is how I can respect myself. So, what exactly my mantra?

I live my life with integrity. I will remain always true to myself.

After dinner, it was VERY dark out as the moon is still mostly dark. I am not afraid of the dark, especially not here. But it did give me a perfect opportunity to practice Seeing in the Dark. WOOHOO! I can SEE IN THE DARK! Hehehe... I have elfy eyes... or cat eyes... however you want to DnD call it. It was a very simple Rite of Night Vision with Forces. 

Once back in my hut, I sat in my ritual space and thot how it would be interesting to share this with Levi. I bet he would be fascinated. I do a firm mental strikethru that I need to stop crushing on what is not and never will be there. I did hand him a cup of the tea. Let him wonder. Otherwise, I shake it out and STOMP STOMP STOMP about the tatami mats. Yes, stomping helps ground and shake thinks off. Tonight's focus is the Root Chakra Right to BE, Right to Exist. Also, to address what blocks this chakra: fear.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXIST!

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUST BE!

What am I afraid of? Lots of things. Recent events tho have shown me that I am more afraid of losing myself, of no longer being me. That is by far my greatest fear.

INTEGRITY

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ME!

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXIST!

Integrity. I commit to being true to myself. By doing this, I manage this fear. 

I sit with the jet stone between my hands. Healing the damaged soul. I recognize and accept that my soul has been damaged and I am on a path of recovery. I sip my tea and find comfort in the familiar. I like to call this tea a warm hug in a mug. Lastly, after I breathe and absorb what I have done today, I journal it all. My pen is a mat black Jinhao x750 on and my ink is a dark red (Diamine Red Dragon). 

I have the right to be me and to live with integrity.

Week 2 in HR

November 19-25

The plan for the week is to:

• Practice scanning with my spheres
• Try to induce sleep and reawaken... at a distance
• Alter myself... and back
• Healing at a distance
• Rite of Consecration (purification) at a distance
• Seeing in the dark
• Drawing on surrounding Quintessence (how much can I actually hold?)
• Make a Quintessence battery (can I?)
• Work thru Bushido Virtues
• Research and work thru Chakras (I am determined to rebalance myself)
• Read Harry potter with the Twins
• Train in Do & Jo
• Rake the trails
• Visit Dad's ritual space and sense it

Oy! That is a lot. Some of that might spill over into the second week.

Oh... and I think I will have a Momiji moment. My Avatar is Momiji, the kami of the Japanese Maple. She (ya... she... maybe that is why I am gay?) is a spirit of healing (clearly my need to be a healer is deeply rooted in me), inner balance (thus my determination to re-establish this and hang onto it always... be the steady anchor for others), practicality, calm & serenity, gentleness, and honor (which is why I am reviewing my oaths and virtues). Momiji has a specific holiday (which I missed in the chaos of everything) that is during the fall when the leaves change their colors. Nothing is very clear on an exact date beyond it falling between the full moon of late September/early October and the full moon of late November/early December. So I haven't completely missed it, I suppose. The leaves of my momiji tree have changes color and are falling. Other hints are that since the kami is also related to children (why I relate to them and really enjoy them... shhhh... don't tell anyone) she is honored on the new light of the waxing moon, called the New Moon (or Diana's Bow) when the moon is 8-12% waxing. That will be on November 21st. A good time to mark new commitments... or remember old ones. I think maybe I will do that rite of passage then instead of at the full moon.

Dark Moon Ritual

After the simple Rite of Consecration, I sit on the zafu and breathe thru a meditation for a while. I calm my body and my mind. I center and ground. I breathe. 

I decide on my oaths and virtues. I will start with and later end with healing oaths, because above all else, when I consider my identity, I am a HEALER physically and magically. When I tread off that path, it messes me up. No matter how much I want to help in this looming battle/crisis, there has to be a way to do so and still remain true to myself.

As I begin working on these oaths and virtues over the next couple weeks (starting with tonight)... what do they mean for me? How have I applied them? How can I apply them moving forward from the recent incidents? Because... I cannot remain stuck in this magical space between, stuck outside reality.

Tonight, I will look at the Oath of the Healer's Path.

Oath of the Healer's Path

1. Treat the Afflicted
2. Cleanse the Impurity
3. Mourn in Tragedy

To look at this in DnD terms, this is a Lawful Good Paladin's path. It aligns better with me than subterfuge and murder. This is spiritual, martial, and medical. This is being the Battlefield Medic.

This is a sacred oath. I might formally take it in a personal rite of passage at the next full moon on December 3rd. I can write the oath on rice paper (calligraphied) and before a sacred purifying flame recite it then burn it, marking myself with the ashes.

For now, I understand the Treatment of the Afflicted as using my mundane medical skills, my herbal/tea crafting skills, and my spheres of magic to heal wounds and illnesses and conditions. Who are the afflicted? Everyone in need of healing, regardless of color/code/creed/affiliation/etc.

As for Cleansing the Impurity, this requires that I sense/perceive more often and use my skills to purge disease and illness and infection. Can I extend that to purify ill-willed/negative energies as I did with my space? Or purify someone of possession?

Cleanse, Purify, Ward/Protect
Wash, Cure, Vaccinate

To Mourn in Tragedy is to share space with the lost life. It is to ease the passing of the dying, honor their passing/passed souls, and to be present for those who remain. To not mourn alone. Tragedy can be physical death, but can also be an unrecouperable loss. (I will revisit that idea later.) I should think up a small and simple rite to bless the dead or acknowledge the loss, release the spirit, and help bring peace to those left behind.

Tomorrow, I will start one day at a time reviewing the Bushido Virtues.

November Dark Moon Prep

November 18th Daytime

I had said I would commit time to me for... self-care... to try to come to terms with what has happened. I know I am not coping well. Last night when Blythe offered to talk, I hit that edge of panic... like PTSD. Looking back at it, I can see more clearly that it was totally a PTSD reaction. I don;t trust the technocrats nor the "therapists" here. So, I don't really have anyone but Brighid to talk to about all this. I don;t want to worry my parents.

Meditation helps me balance. Training with Andrew or mom does too. As does teaching Blythes twin girls. That last is actually a lot of fun, more fun than I expected. I love expanding their awareness of the wilderness and sharing my passion about tea with them.

Once I finished setting up my place, as a way to rebalance, I have decided to commit to some of the more spiritual aspects of what I was raised with. I think my dad would be proud. Maybe... maybe I will invite him to something I do. Like Yule... if we are all still here then. Or the Full Moon on December 3rd.

For now, we are the Dark Moon today. The Dark Moon is for introspection.

See dad? I have actually paid attention, even if it didn't seem like I did.

I think I will relook at my oaths and virtues. The Dark Moon is a good time to start that... AFTER I show the girls color changing tea... like MAGIC! (without and "deviant" magic involved)

 

November 18th Evening

Why do I feel nervous about doing something spiritual? Maybe because I am concerned that there is no such thing as divine beings? Ok... If I run with that, then Divine Beings can be just greater spiritual entities or great magical beings that ideally have our greater good in mind... unless you worship something with evil intent because you are that kind of person. I think I will devote myself to more vague concepts, like the Moon as a symbol of Wisdom.

I will blend some of what Mom practices with some of what Dad practices. Make this my own. This also gives me the chance to actually practice magic... and not the "fluffy bunny" kind of any sort.

Along with the Do and Jo training, I have spent much of the week just practicing the sensing aspects of the magical spheres I am less familiar with: Forces and Prime mostly, but also some Spirit. I am pretty comfortable and confident with my Life sphere. This can be next week's project, to work much harder on these lesser used spheres of magic.

I am glad Dad ordered in (or was able to procure however) a number of odd things I asked for. Time to really set up an indoor ritual space. In my meditation room on the tatami mats, I put my zafu and zabuton, just off center with the low bamboo tea table I use as a working altar, tea table, or journalling surface. I started by fetching a big rock from outside, the biggest I could carry. Fuck... heavy! Moving something like this ought to be some sort of rite of passage! After scrubbing it clean, I plopped it in the north corner of the room. There. North... EARTH! It had a little flat surface on which I set a black earthenware bowl the size of my palm and filled it with salt and herbs. 

I set up a standing brass brazier with its 18-inch diameter dish in the east corner. I filled it with sand and places in the shelf below it a box of 3-kings charcoal and several boxes and pouches of resins and incense sticks. My favorite incense is a Japanese sandalwood stick, but sometimes other smells are more evocative of certain moods. There. East... AIR! 

In the south corner just past the door on the southwest wall, I screwed in an iron bracket and hung a lantern. In it I places a candle. 

 

I walk past the window and to the west corner. I pushed in a triangular bamboo stand that has a large shell for a water basin in it. Tucked right into the corner is a little vase with a cluster of growing bamboo. There. West... WATER! 

(no picture as I cannot find what I imagine in my head)

The four key elements as my father taught me... done in my own style. The setting sun shines in thru the southwest window. 

On the northwest wall are mounts for my Jo staff and any future Do tools, as well as a trunk with the rest of my magical supplies that I don't use on a regular basis. An Alder wood trunk containing magical and ritual supplies and inscribed with protection symbols on the inside. This is the most expensive piece of furniture I own as the wood was imported from Ireland. Above the trunk is a rice paper banner of the 7 Bushido Virtues in Kanji calligraphy. My wall mounts are above and below the banner.

On the northeast wall is one of those wonderful shelves I managed to get back here, all ebony (imagine the image in naturally black ebony wood) with cultural books, magical texts, tradition material texts. One shelf (central octagon) is dedicated to honoring his ancestors with a little urn of collected ashes, a tealight candle, small incense pot, lighter, box of Japanese sandalwood incense, all on a slate of Sodalite.

I set a red candle on the bamboo tea table with my teacup, my thermos full of charged tea beside it. I also set my journal and fountain pens on it. I think I am ready.... OH! Fire! I get a little lighter, too. I have yet to learn how to manifest fire with magic. I am pretty sure that is part of Forces. I will have to ask Dad.

I go outside and collect fallen momiji leaves: all reds, oranges, and yellows. Inside and cast my circle with them and perform the Rite of Consecration for the space. I press a few of the leaves in one of the books from my shelf for a later project. There is a smaller window close to the north-northeast whereby I can see the momiji tree outside.

I think I am ready to begin.... except for a craving I won't sate till later.

What is that craving? Momiji Tempura. MMmmm... dipped in maple syrup.

Week 1 in HR

 Funny how HR no longer means Human Resources to me......

November 11th... 

Remembrance Day.... Normally this is important. As an EMT, I would be working overtime with Veterans today. I usually work for free, volunteering with the Shriners.

Today, I had my own little breakdown and didn't get to bed till pre-dawn.

Barely a few hours later, my phone rings. WTF? I literally fall out of bed thinking I am late for work or On Call, hunt all over for my phone, and finally answer it as I realize we are in the HR and there should be no signal. Levi is calling... and I have WFT! 6 BARS!? where did a 6th bar come from? The connection is a WiFi or maybe data thing... called FNET. Again... wtf? Is the F in FNET for fucked?

Breakfast... It was a call to breakfast. I think I told him to fuck off and threw the phone across the room. I can't remember. Ten minutes later, i got up anyhow and put myself together. Blythe's family should be arriving.

Sure enough, when I get there, Riley and Blythe are there with a dog, a stranger (his name turns out to be Peter and he is Blythe's husband), and three children (twin 12 yr old girls and a 7 yr old boy). I dig out the fancy teacup and set the girls up with fun fancy fruity tea. Murazaki and Andrew arrive too. Once bitten, Twice shy they say. I am reserved around her. Out of piety, politeness, and propriety, I serve tea starting thru the social ranks with Andrew. Coffee for those who won't do tea.

After breakfast, we head out the the House in the Woods for Blythe's family, bringing their stuff. I offer to show the children about the trails, teach them some woods safety, and teach the girls Tea stuff. They are cute and sweet... and it gives me something to focus on that is a bit more positive. Kids I guess are easier to be with than adults. I am less shy with them.

November 12-17

This first week was... surreal... unreal? I do normal things like take the kids for a walk when their dad doesn't, teach them wild things, do tea parties with the girls to occupy them (I think I have fangirls), nest... yes nest. I properly unpacked into the newer space and made a ritual space for myself inside. I have been meditating, and working out at the dojo, sometimes with Andrew (learning Do) or my mum (learning the jo staff), often alone.

I try hard to not cut myself. Sometimes I just need to feel something more real and that is a sharp real feeling. But, I try not to. I heal it after. I know I need help, that I should ask for help from... someone... but no one here is really qualified.

I made a kitty door so Brighid can come and go as she pleases, follow me if she wants.

At the end of the week, it got weird again.... Riley showed up at my door. He had a black cat, Andrew's cat. I figured it was a familiar. Brighid was kind of freaked out by it. It's name is Zatafax. I vaguely recalled a story from Levi about a Zatafax getting caught in the creation of a HR by accident and turning out to be a GIANT cat in it. Having 'touched' Andrew's sword... I was more content to think of this cat as a familiar than anything very weird. Also... Riley's problem. As it turns out... I walked into a conversation at my parents' place over drinks... Riley and I are the only ones with no actual real life experience of Zatafax. Weird... again... So, Blythe and Levi had similar Awakenings. I am not even going to try to remember or understand that conversation. 

I just wanted to find out what was for supper....

Apparently, Levi has worked with Ecstatics. Remember? I said the conversation was WEIRD! In the newly magical world I Awakened to, the understanding was to not work with them. They were like and STD, you needed protection or you might catch something unwanted. Levi went from the weird of Felicity to the weird of Ecstatics. I will just take that notion of a vague fading crush and just... drown it in antiseptic, thanks.

I don;t understand why the local muggles cannot be let in on understanding what is going on. I still think we should have unAwakened allies. Everyone seems to be of a firm NO on the matter. I think the twins would get a kick out of it. SIGH! Fine, I will do "magical color changing tea" with them... it is chemistry and not actually magic.

I did the good host thing and walked Blythe to the door as she needed to get back to her family for dinner. I regretted it. She totally brought up asking how I was, saying she understands things like this can mess people up. If I ever wanted to talk, she says I could talk to her. That she might be able to help me cope. I was fine till that moment. Then it was hard to breathe and I tried to wall her out, not feel, shut out what happened. She got me into this! I don't want her help. It is not like she can give me my life back.

I went back to the room and accepted a swig from Riley's flask. O>>>M>>>F>>>G>>> that was vile. It burned all the way down and stole my breath. If ever I needed a reminder to stick to tea, juice, and water... that was it!

Hell of a Night

Caught between feeling violated, my consent never considered, and fury and betrayal... having been put in a mindscape with Felicity whom I do not trust without any preparation. I have had more than enough surprises. NO MORE!

YOU HEAR ME?! NO MORE! FUCK OFF!

I get why my father does his rituals as he does... as one coalesces in my mind. I knew all the theory. I grew up with it. I have done small things on my own, but nothing like what was in my head now. And what was in my head now felt powerful, right, and what I needed right now... even if it was very very simple. Things don;t have to be complicated to work?, right?

Purge/Purify... Sanctify... Ward...

Widdershins, deosil, deosil.

I pour quintessence into this ritual.

I fling open my hut door, pull out my sacred cup I use for... everything... I pull out a little box that contains my Pagan ritual tools: incense, lighter and a small athame. I pour some tea unto the cup and step outside. 

I light the incense then carve the first part of a rune on one side of the doorframe. It is the first part of a three-part rune. I spiral out and around widdershins about my hut, marking whatever spot I can as I do with the first rune. Levi was striding over trying to ask what I was doing.

"By fire and air and my blade do I purify all that is mine and me..." I end by carving the rune into my arm. I tried to ignore Levi and concentrate.

Levi follows me about. I cannot tell if he is approving, disapproving, or fascinating or shocked.

I reverse my spiral and now go deosil from the outside inward, dipping my athame into the cup of tea and sprinkling, then using the athame to add the second rune over the first as I go.

"By earth and water and my blade do I sanctify all that mine and me." I end by carving the second rune into my arm.

A deep breath in and I focused, like I would in the ambulance saving a life. I winced as I carved the last rune into my arm and hand and then marked the wall with a final warning rune. With my blood dripping, I walked out and marked the four quarters.

"By my blade and my blood are me and mine protected, keeping the ill-intended and the unwanted out. SO MOTE IT BE!" I poured some tea over my wound, then took a sip and libated the rest to the gods. I use my Life Sphere to heal my arm, just enough to leave it scar. 

Carefully, I set things aside, feeling a mix of the euphoric high from cutting my arm and doing ritual. It inspired  courage. Or maybe stupidity. I march into my hut and empty my backpack entirely save for literal criticals. It might be the middle of the night and I might be tired and high and determined... but I will bloody well take some measure of control back. I might not have a whole lot of magic, but I know non-magical ways to get rid of magical things.

I use my door as a portal. Shit... I was right. It still works. I step through and then head to Terra Nova. There I walk a fast line to the supply shed for some home grown tannerite booming supplies. Levi shows up as i head back to take the portal back to the apartment. He is confused, worried. In the apartment, i set up the explosives. Small, yes, but I don't want to blow the whole building. Levi is frantically trying to convince me not to do this madness. I had to very literally throw him back thru the portal to the Horizon Realm so I could set the fuse and step through myself. I know in moments the door in the apartment would blow. I counted as Levi yelled things at me. I opened the door as a portal just to see....

FUCK! The portal is still there... on the damned door frame. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!! I remove the damned door. It is STILL there. FUCK! The futility is .... frustrating! I punched the doorframe till I bled. I went inside and washed it, reassured Brighid, and tried to calm down. I sat with some fresh tea and Brighid , then vent into my journal. The lack of a door is annoying, as well as Levi stressing about me. So, I go back out and with his help, I get the door put back on. 

Note to self, more tannerite.... or  take time to see where the magic is bound and blow the right things. I am an idiot.

At least the ritual energy held.....

I make tea to sit with Levi.... Do I trust him? I have no idea. A possible relationship? .... kicked so far out the window that it vanished into some mysterious ethereal dimension. 

Blessedly, Andrew showed and removed the portal. I want to trust him. I do trust him. But... after .... Can I? I served tea to him first then Levi, then myself. We spoke of ... Felicity. Now... this is the conversation that really needed to happen BEFORE throwing me into a mental lockroom with her. He also discussed what we were actually doing and travelled to such Horizon Realm as to consider it the Pure Lands. It was.... numinous. It is a Refuge. It is where Andrew and my parents and others are trying to save the awakened... mages... magicky people till the dust settles and forces can regroup. I worried about the unawakened, the masses (they are called sleepers), I worried for the mundane normal folks. The Nafandi will win... rule the people... then theoretically stagnate.... and then we will return to defeat them. I am less sure on the matter of it all. If the Nafandi are so terrible and trying to destroy us, why would they leave the normal folks alone? Why do they want to destroy the awakened? how could they possibly stagnate? It doesn't make any sense.

Maybe I am too tired to understand. Too exhausted. 

Once back at my hut, wonderfully larger and ready to be better set up, I set out some things for consideration later, things I feel I need to review:

• Code of Honor: Bushido Virtues
• The Art of Peace
• Healer's Oath / Oath of the Path of the Healer

Let me actually start with the last one in its shortest form:

Treat the Afflicted
Cleanse the Impurities
Mourn in Tragedy

The sun is almost up. I need sleep. I curl up with Brighid and trace all the marks upon my arm with a finger.... Is it all worth it? Is any of it worth it? I feel like we are retreating from a foe we cannot defeat, one that will only salt the earth in our wake. Not the positive thots one should be falling asleep to. My sleep is thus fitful... till the over-exhaustion drags me to dreamless oblivion... tho not true peaceful oblivion...

NOPE! So DONE!

Saturday, November 11th in the wee hours...... Remembrance Day

Things got quiet. Was it done?

I opened my eyes to the Dojo, modified, a bit larger..... but no one is there. Where is everyone? Oh..... Felicity is there. What the hell? Did she do this? I demand that she FIX this.

Apparently it wasn't her, but Murazaki............... a therapist of some kind who "fixed" Felicity.

Why the Fuck am I here? I feel.... violated. Mindtrapped by someone I trusted to be trapped in a room with someone i really do NOT trust. What is this?! Lock the uncomfortable guy in the room with the one that makes him uncomfortable to 'work out their differences or make up' or something?! 

Great theory. DOES NOT WORK IN PRACTICE!

Felicity suggested that maybe we were there to learn from each other. She asked me what I thot I could learn from her. I was caught between knowing what I want and need... and being put on the spot and frozen by my stupid shyness and a ... an... anger so strong I could not even speak. There are a million things she could teach me, especially about magic and the ways I could use the magic I have to save lives instead of end them. But for all the things she has done.... however good she might be now... There is nothing I that I actually WANT to learn FROM HER. As for what maybe she could learn from me?

How about morals, ethics, respect... integrity... honor? .... my list goes on.

All I could give her was my fuming silence as I mentally SCREAMED to get out of this.

And then... it was over. 

Everyone was standing, congratulating each other, like... job well done.

Are we done? We are done. GOOD! I am DONE! Fuck off everyone!

I don't think I have ever been this angry in my life. Never felt this violated or contaminated. 

How could I ever trust anyone ever again? How could I dare say anything to my parents? They would never believe me. Murazaki is someone they all admire... even Felicity. I bet this is how rape victims feel.

I storm off from the Dojo... fuming.... furious... Definitely NOT feeling very ZEN.  A quick check that what I intended for my hut is what resulted. At least that went as planned.

I grab gear from my room and my backpack and storm off a bit into the woods.... How far can I hike? ARRRGGHH!!! FUUUCK!!! Stupid Horizon Realm. It will only wrap back. I was told this already. I storm back to my hut. 

Fine... I will purge, sanctify, and ward the fuck out of me and mine!