Awkward! (part 2)

April 12th, 2017

Breakfast at Mandy's. I was up early. I even drove in along the Lakeshore for the slow enjoyment of the view. My nervousness is stupid. I brought Brighid along, since she likes the location and Mandy and her lady love adore her. Levi texted me that he was up. I was driving and could not text back. He still was there before me, just about 9:30am almost 10am. 5033 Sherbrooke West.

I came in with Brighid... she usually does the socializing for me.

 We sat. He had coffee. I had tea. We had light breakfasts. I am glad Mandy knows to skip the cilantro from anything I am served. While I am not vegan, nor vegetarian, i like this place. It is LGBTQ open and friendly without being flamboyant, crass, edgy, or crowded.

We... attempted small talk. OMG! I suck as small talk! This is the most awkward experience I had ever had. We managed to eat and... I learned Levi had a 6 1/2 apartment, upper duplex. So... we can each have a bedroom and training/study room. He has a parking spot I can use, but we will still get a resident parking sticker for my RAV.

Mandy and her girlfriend watched us and winked at me like... I brought in my first boyfriend for a first date after only sort of coming out. I haven't even come out to my parents yet. And he is NOT my boyfriend. And this is NOT a date.

Trying to not want the ground to swallow me whole, Levi talked about needing to do a driving test, whereby I offered to help him. Awkward ... painfully awkward small talk with equally painfully awkward silent pauses.... long ones. He mentioned he was still putting together his Ikea furniture. I offered to help him.

Levi needed to go attend to things. I took a huge breath of relief after he left. And I managed to escape without Mandy prodding me for more details or congratulating me too much. She did hope I would be around with him more often. I hinted that it was likely since he lives around the corner and I was going to be moving in with him.

Somehow... we didn't quite hammer out details. Important details. Like... when can I move in? What is my expected rent? Are there magical faux-pas I ought to be aware of? Are there any house rules?

Exasperated with my own incompetence, I drove to Levi's and boldly parked int he driveway. What? I was going to be living there soon and this way I didn't have to fight for parking or pay for parking. I left Brighid to enjoy Levi's porch till I returned. I walked over to the GLEN from here to check on my schedule and to arrange for me not being available during the one-week intensive course I was going to take.

By the time I was done and got back to Levi's, he was home and Brighid already inside exploring her new residence.

I took a quick walk through. Nice. Levi wanted to ward the place and seemed to struggle with what would work and not piss off or terrify the landlord. I suggested white on white paint then painted over it. We could go to Reno or Canadian Tire or Hogg's for paint. Levi still wanted a preliminary ward in place. I offered to help but... it didn't seem like he needed me. I just... watched... feeling a bit left out... as usual. It was still interesting. It seemed Hermetic. He did not however come across as someone who was one of those stuffy snobby Hermetics. It was a silent bastardized creative form of Hermetics... very eclectic. I doubt the Hermetics like him for that.He just made a circle with sigils then pushed his willpower into it and expanded it to be a shield about the apartment. I probably should have warned Brighid. She let out a surprised meow when the wave of energy passed thru her.

It was definitely interesting just the same.

Again I state... NO... no Levi is NOT my boyfriend. I hardly know him.

Awkward! (part 1)

April 12th, 2017

The conversation of war and ethical quandary of the AI dampened my excitement of the creation of our astral sanctuary. I had this awful feeling a over-perfection... and quiet before a cataclysmic storm. I did not like this feeling and desperately wanted to go home.

I felt the need to breathe some polluted Montreal air and remind myself of the real everyday living concerns that keep the magical world running still.

I hollered my intention to go home to my parents and headed back to the Dojo in the sanctuary. Levi was still there, having just finished his meditation. I must have had pent up riled energy in me. as we talked a little about university. He's going to McGill, in Psychology. I am so embarrassed! I ranted off, heedless of reaction, about how unethical the school was and why and about how the classes are 300-600+ students, especially for a Psych 101 class. And he is just starting his very first university session this spring....... He must think I am an angry, opinionated ass..... Not the impression I ever wanted to give. UGH!!

I did manage to offer him a ride to his home once we got back to mine since he was heading back as well and didn't have his own ride. Once back in Senneville, I double checked everything was locked up and then put my gear in the RAV and Brighid's travel bed, since she is welcome with me as often as possible.

Awkward... silent 30min drive. I should have put on music or something.

Levi lives in the upper duplex at 373 Claremont in Westmount(ish) below Sherbrooke and north of Vendome Metro. It is close to places I frequent for school and close to my work with the GLEN. Maybe I will drive up and down the streets looking to see if there is a for rent sign. I love the area... but rents here are ... a bit... high... to rent alone. Anyhow, we changes cell contacts. I think his iphone is a techno-magic-y thing. I wonder what magic-y things it can do.

Off to Starbucks for hot water to make tea in to calm myself from all the excitement, good and bad, from the last 24hrs. I did a preliminary search here but found nothing for rent. I reviewed the course I am taking. Registration for it is on Friday (in 2 days), so in my excited anticipation, I popped into Bureau en Gros to bought some fresh supplies.

What will be my course? Sustainable Futures: Exploring Your Own Sustainability Path for Society. It is a ONE-week intensive. May 29th - June 2nd. 4 days 9am-4pm in lectures and activities with people across the curriculums and with specialists from around the world. Ending with a day of student presentations... and a 20-page paper. One week for 3 graduate degree credits. I am so looking forward to it.

Remembering Levi's fountain pen and leatherbound book, I hoped to find something like them in Bureau en Gros. Nothing. Why did I even think there would be? *humph!*

I braved sending him a text: I like your fountain pen.

There was no reply for a while. Not sure what I expected. So I went home. Back home with my usual lonely time, I had dinner with Brighid. I worked out; I took myself thru the katas and meditations, the exercises, and all my training. It takes up a few hours.

He finally texted me back. And we exchanged a few flirting texts about fountain pens. I showed him a pic of mine and he a pic of his. Ooh-lala. 

My Jinhao and my personal tool... a teacup... on my scrappy crappy journal. 

We were pen flirting and it was fun. He has a Lamy.

I finished up my workout and was almost asleep when I braved to text him again asking about school... minus my nasty opinion. He has only been in Montreal for a couple week and only just got an apartment. I told him plainly how lucky he was as I was still searching for one.

WOOT! Levi invited me to move it! CRAZY!

No... crazy was me inviting him to breakfast at Mandy's. Pardon while I freak out. I invited him to BREAKFAST! It was just to confirm that he was serious about being roommates and to maybe talk and plan and ... well... we don;t know much about each other.

Seiiki Pre-War - APril Full Moon 2017 #3

 That title was not ominous at all..... (did you read my sarcasm?)

In many ways, this has been the best... and worst... Full Moon ever.

We created a Horizon Realm. In some way, I kept thinking this would be like a Mirror Realm like in Dr. Strange. It isn't. It is much more like a dimensional pocket that we alone have access to. Not sure how only we have access to it and others not. A question for later.

However, we all forgot to consider a name for it. I think that is magically important. Words have power, Names are important. yaddayaddayadda. The pause of OOPS around the room was profound. Then we named it Seiiki, Japanese for Sanctuary. I am amused that my parents apparently name things like toddlers do. So... the sanctuary is named Sanctuary.... just in Japanese.

Welcome to The Sanctuary - Yōkoso Seiiki

Everyone but Levi and I went out to explore. I stood on the outside deck and surveyed everything from there. If this were a clock, I stood South at 6:00 at the large round Dojo. In the center of the clock was the Zen Garden. At 9:00 in the west was my idealized version of Terrasol. AT 10:30 or Northwest was the very traditional teahouse. In the North was the strangest house I ever saw, yet beautiful. Then I remembered a picture my parents had of a Frank Lloyd Wright house called Waterfall. It looked very much like that. Wow. There was a stream in the Northeast and the whole sanctuary was surrounded by forest. 

Levi seems young and yet, it had not escaped me that sometimes the others defer to him. Anyhow, he had this very youthful AHA moment and dropped himself down to do something in his notebook. I stepped a little closer to see what he was doing. I didn't want to draw too much attention to myself. I already feel like the odd one out, like I know less than everyone else, or like... I am the different one. Maybe that is just my shyness talking. Levi was sketching in a leatherbound notebook... with a fountain pen. On this alone, we have something in common and I like him just for this! I almost said something about our possible mutual geekiness, but he was so focused, sketching a circle and symbols and sigils. What was he doing? Was this his form a magic? Like tea and my teacup are mine? Maybe I should dedicate my fountain pen and journal, too.

OOooooooooo...... He cast some form of levitation.... sort of. Graceless thumping then floating and bobbing, uncoordinated form of levitation. He has the hugest shit-eating grin on, proud of this. I guess he has never done that before. Now I don't feel so bad for being a noob. Maybe he isn't far advanced from me and we are actually peers. He flipflipped between excited grin and uber-concentrated. I stuck around to be his spotter... in case he fell or crashed into a tree or something. The lecture about just because I have so much familiarity with the Life Sphere and CAN grow myself wings and fly, does not mean I should. Although... the thot did cross my mind of doing so here. Once he safely stood on the ground again, I headed off to check out my version of Terrasol.

It looked very much the same on the outside with the curved bay window screens and more squared inside, the wooden deck, the little firepit on the right with logs to sit upon, a large ancient looking momiji tree. It looks so AWESOME! And that was just the outside. It seemed a bit bigger that the original Terrasol. I hope it was bigger inside. That was my intention. I slid open the main door nice and wide so Levi (who was with me) could come inside. I confess, I was a terrible host. I should have offered him tea. I was just so .... I needed to see everything... to TOUCH everything! It was indeed larger, almost 4 extra feet on either side of the bed. The futon was already opened out like a bed, a spate healing cot was tucked like a trundle under the bed. The bed mattress was blessedly a nice firm futon with just the right about of fluff to it. The walls were not the white on white like the original, which I like, but I prefer some color. The tree on the left of the bed was a rich dark brown and the leaves were not bare but in full foliage of red, orange, gold momiji leaves. The yin-yang above the bed remained the white on white with only the contracting Yin in black and the line and dot in Yang black. On the right, the Celtic knot has a twist in each corner and were colored for the elements of Earth (green), air (yellow), fire (red), water (blue) and with the central knot motif in deep chromatic purple and silver. It was so AMAZING! I touched everything, willing it all to vibrate as MINE. Mine... mine. MINE... MINE!! My cheeks hurt. I must be grinning too much. Big trunk of medical supplies... everything in my medical wishlist was in it.... except the knew weird bag I just received that can reattach a severed head and still save a life. THAT is decided too weird for me to imagine well enough to put in here. The tall tea cabinet with a collection of teacups ... I will add to it. And tea canisters. I had to open them and smell them all. I almost want to live here forever! I need to bring Brighid here!

I ran to the Dojo, but.... uhhhhh... I had no idea how to get back to the mundane world. Nor back here again. Levi didn't know either. He suggested we explore and sense and try to experiment. Is he really one of those guys that presses the random button because it is there to be pressed? I opted for finding my parents and just asking. One day, I hope I will know enough to not need to call my mom or dad. Apparently, the answer is to meditate our way in and out, ideally when there isn't a class going on in the Wellness Center in the real world.

Levi then wandered off to explore the woods. I advised him not to anger the potentially angry aurochs. Why? Why did dad create aurochs? Did our woods actually need big hairy cows? Why couldn't we have mutant deer with too many antlers instead?

I went back to the Dojo, meditated, managed to get into the Wellness Center, ran off to Terrasol, and hunted down a still grumpy Brighid. I smothered her with my affections, then I brought her back to Seiiki. She was giddy and excited and I loved watching her sniff and explore everything. Then I thot that maybe this modified Terrasol needed a better name: Mo Tearmann! Brighid was miffed by that as it wasn't just MINE but ours. Ok... so Ár tearmann. In hindsight.... I apparently come from the same school of naming things like a toddler as my parents do. Ár tearmann is just Irish Gaelic for Our Sanctuary. Oh well.

OFF TO THE HOUSE!

We explored the house grounds and then all the rooms. It was very much like my parents. It suited them well. There were lots of guest rooms, too. Seems they were planning. And... a room for me. It held much of the orientation as my own room, but felt more... blank. I should tell them to just turn it into a guest room. I have my own place here. AWE... that is all I have for my parents' house. AWE!!! Why have they never just built places like this in the real world? This is ... beautiful. I never knew I wanted a house like this till now. I stood out on one of the balconies looking out across the Zen Garden to the woods. Levi stepped out just that moment, glancing back frequently, but nothing stepped out after him. I wonder if he encountered the aurochs. I watched him return to the Dojo and sit to meditate. He didn't vanish, so I guess he is just resting. 

I quietly headed down the stairs as I overheard my parents talking with our other guests. So I sat, like a child does on the stairs to listen but remain unseen. They were talking about the impending War. The Proteus, Awakened AI was top of the debate. Is it alive? Does it have a soul? Is it worthy of our compassion? Should we try to liberate it or kill it? Where do we stand ethically? Dad adamantly wants it dead. some want to save it? Andrew is on the fence. I stood up and asked a bunch of obnoxious questions, because I do not understand this war and these technocrats. Some offworld location, planet on other side of sun, is being used to develop this Proteus, along with other weapons that are intended to wipe out ... mages? 

Part of me wants deeply to fight this in the only ways I can. And part of me isn't sure if the Technocrats are wrong. Just... maybe... wrong about killing us. I don't like being forced into things. Do I have a choice? Sure I do. If I am a moral person and hold to my virtues and honor... then no. I do not have a choice.

Bottom line. I am a healer.

Ár Tearmann

 

Seiiki Teahouse

 

The Main House in Seiiki

 

April 11, 2017 Full Moon (Part 2)

I got too overwhelmed to transcribe. So here is my mind-dump from my journal.

Brighid... please stop laughing at me... Also, please stop being mad at me. I love you.

 

April 10th-11th, 2017 - Full Moon (Part 1)

Weird of weird....
My mother's senseis have arrived at home.......... what the ever living ...
And then some younger guy named Levi also showed up

Mirazaki and Telford (Andrew) (senseis of Akashic Tradition)? Julie Nevaar (defected Technocracy)..... and Levi (???)

Resistance meeting over tea IN MY PARENTS LIVING ROOM....
*FACEPALM* I did NOT want to get dragged into the politics of someone else's war!

Proteus Project, Technocracy's attempt to make an Awakened AI, and assisting enslaved god. WTF!

"We" are in the Go version of the 'End Game'. 

My world seems to have tilted sideways. I am trying to stay grounded and roll with it.

We are going to build portals to Terra Perma... and a Horizon Realm or magical private Chantry extension. If I ever get my own place... There will be a portal to Terra Perma, too. 

In Mom's Wellness Center / Dojo is where we all step out. SO COOL! Why have we never done this before?! Why drive HOURS to get here when we could have done this before? Mom goes to the cottage to set things in prep and sleep. She is a MORNING person more than anyone to do katas at dawn. Dad takes everyone out to show them to some lodging.

I got handed a POWERFUL DANGEROUS POSSESSED Katana that wanted to kill. It took all my willpower to put it back down because it literally tried to take me over. I DO NOT like it. I never EVER want to touch it again. But the lesson was: controlling evil is important, more so than wielding it. Food for thot. I was then officially introduced by Telford as Andrew and he seemed impressed with me. 

I was very VERY glad to retreat to Terrasol, the lodge I usually use, and be with Brighid. A short meditation helps me calm and get to sleep.

Dawn comes MUCH too soon after some nightmares of that monstrous katana. I will take a moment to journal before I scramble over to the field to join the dawn katas. Andrew was doing something.... different. DO. I think I will just .... quietly copy him. I managed to tap into the Time magic and match him very timely. What he did tho was ... he shook a tree more than 50 meters away! Wow!! I want to KNOW MORE.

Oh gods... Dad is on a Permaculture tirade at Levi. I will save Levi and then go make good tea. That will keep me out of the attention of everyone. Andrew complimented me as I served him tea. My innards flipped, my cheeks burned, and I knew I could not speak a word without potentially stammering. So, I melted into the background to be as invisible as I can and just observe everyone. And yet... That is exactly when Levi gave me a little wave. 

I am caught between really liking this dynamic of extended family here and the magic.... That and the anxiety of being dragged away from what I really want to do / be. They told me I had no obligations. Don't I? This is my family, my parents and very real danger. Mom might have some degree of healing but that is not how she applies her magic. It is how I apply mine.

I am reminded of YU or Heroic Courage, the Bushido virtue. Sometimes action is needed. As much as they might say that I have a choice... I don't. Not if I care at all about the people I love and other living things.

So here I am... we are about to create a Horizon Realm together after breakfast.... Dr. Strange Mirror Realm, here we come!

April 8th, 2017

The Montreal Gazette will be printed late... why?... 

There was... a situation... in the NDG printing plant. I got called in on backup. This is the job. Drop whatever fun things you are doing sometimes to answer the call to go save lives. 

We were told that one of the machines went haywire and shattered springs and metal flung out and gashed workers. We were to treat them for their injuries and to shuffle them to the ambulances. Several of the machines are temporarily shut down for the day to get fixed.

I heard the whisper of "Les Independentistes Garous" ... loup garou. A... what and what? New words to me. Sounded like a gang of French Nationalists sabotaged the Anglo paper... again.

As subtly as I could, I sensed thru the life of each person I had to deal with, ascertained their injuries, and eased in some healing so they would not bleed out. They could be taken to paramedics still injured, but not dying.

"Well, you’d think from the amount of blood the injury was much more severe, but really, there’s no internal organ damage. The laceration was a lot more shallow than it looked. Guess buddy is a bit of a bleeder. Slapped some compression dressings on it. With some sutures he’ll be good to go."

No one noticed what I did. I didn't REPLACE my medical training with magic. I still used bandages, sutures, compression packs. Just... no one was dying on my watch from this incident.

Just a normal day on the job now. Well, most normal days are boring and I am not really needed, which is GOOD! But today I was needed. 

HOURS later, the EMT's did one last walk thru after police. The ambulances had all cleared out for the GLEN. Most people were shaken and will need some care for psychological trauma. I don't deal with the mind. I deal with the body. What I did do, however, was I got my thermos of tea and my teacup. I offered a cup here and there to soothe people and calm their spirits.

Guess I am not apartment hunting today. 

Time to go home now, to my cute little baby momiji tree, my beloved Brighid, and to make more tea for me this time. I have exhausted my magical energy, my mana. I know it is called Quintessence tho. Both Mom and Dad have been trying to drill this into me. Mana still sounds more right to me.

April 7th, 2017

 Good news. Bad news. Good news. Nothing News.

Good news:
I got accepted into the Sustainable Futures Summer Intensive. WOOHOO! One Mad Week of sustainability lectures. In there, I have to somehow manage to write a 15 page paper and prepare a final presentation on that paper. Holy shit.... crazy! Holy..... oh no. A presentation... in front of all those people? Uhhhhhhh...... Maybe I will rethink this. Maybe I could uhm... record it from home and call in sick?

Bad news:
My paper "There is no I in Madyamaka" was rejected by the JRC. As I suspected, it was way too long for the journal. They asked if I could condense it to 10 pages and maybe then submit it to the JRC... when it is more on that theme. Or, they suggested, I try to present it at the AGIC, the graduate student conference. Uh... no. If I do not HAVE to give a presentation, I sure as hell am not going to.

Good news:
I got an A from that teacher and course on Silk Roads. Either somehow I managed a spectacular paper while hating every second of everything of the course and the writing, or the teacher received his evaluation from the Chair of the department and realized his job was at risk. Either way, I have an A for my paper about Tea Culture on the Silk Road.

Nothing new:
How is the apartment and roommate hunting going? Yup, you got it... NOTHING! I still got nothing. Granted, I was rather focused work contracts and school papers.

April 3rd, 2017

The most interesting opportunity just arose. My dad thinks I should try for it. There is a course coming up that is an Intensive Interdisciplinary course about Sustainability and the Environment. I think Dad wants to take it, and so if I take it, then he can read all my notes.

I just handed in my Silk Roads Religions Paper on Tea. 

Two hours later, I am in the office speaking with the secretary, student coordinator, and the academic advisor about the Silk Roads teacher. I am apparently not the only student with huge frustrations with how he taught the class and graded students thus far. I think I stuttered thru the whole meeting. It necessitated siting in my RAV with some calming tea in the underground parking till my next meeting with the advisor.

In my next meeting, I brought up the Sustainable Futures course being offered by the Concordia University Summer Research Course. It is mostly just for PhD students or MA students at the very END of their program. But this is literally right up my interests and what I am involved in. I could earn 3 credits in a 1-week course May 29th thru June 2nd. INSANE! I have been tentatively approved, tho the department is not sure if I will be accepted as they don;t see how my field will fit with the criteria for the course. I will talk to Dad for better wording on the application. I am sure I can say something about Religious Stewardship and Paganism. Good grief, those certainly are all about sustainability in some way.

I need to have the new apartment and roommate thing sorted out before that class starts.

Please let me in. Please let me in. Please let me in.

https://www.concordia.ca/summer/sgs/2017.html

March 20th, 2017

 OSTARA

It is the Spring Equinox. 

I have refined my paper on the Madyamaka and seeded it to see if it gets published. It is likely too long for the JRC (Graduate Journal of Religions and Cultures). Now to get back to the class I am truly hating and have been ignoring, Silk Road Religions.

I have finally drafted out the rough bits to my paper, been told a bunch of times that it is a waste of space and that there is nothing religious about tea on the Silk Road. I kind of want to scream at the narrow-mindedness and egocentric attitude of the teacher. 

Today is about balance and planting positive seeds. I have still not had any luck apartment hunting, nor roommate hunting.

Being at Hemp Cottage is at least peaceful. We are going to decorate some eggs with the things we hope to achieve this year and the offerings we give to the earth. I get it now how we imbue them with power. And this year I see how the earth forces take them in and use that energy. My desires right now are very mundane and I know I just need to do legwork. So... Let my egg be one of gratitude for the life I have. Let it be filled with some quintessence to strengthen and heal this land that we might build better and sustainably upon it. Our eggs will sit in the seedling troughs till the snow is gone. So maybe next month they will get planted with the seedlings... or maybe in May. I put mine in the trough with the healing herbs and a little tea tree I hope will grow. I also planted a little mini momiji seed in my trough. I want to grow my own little momiji tree and make it into a bonsai. I have planted a seed every year for the last 5 years without success. Mom says that now that I have Awakened, I will likely see much better results. 

HOLY CROW!

Mom has every right to say "I told you so" tho I am glad she doesn't. Life and Forces magical work and I have a teeny seedling! I want to take it home and name it! Oh wait... will Brighid eat it? She better not. I am totally taking it home and naming it.

This has been the BEST OSTARA EVER!

March 12th, 2017

 Fucking Full Moon............. I forgot it was the full moon.

Brighid suggested I draw a card for the day, maybe a few stones... practice some magic. It's Sunday and I got nothing to do today... and the apartment hunting is not going so well.

Mom and Dad are NOT helpful!

"Stay home," Mom says "You have everything you need here, can save money, safe training spaces for Aikido, Do, and magic."

I am 25 and living in my parents' basement. At this point I will never have a relationship or any respect just for the connotations of being a guy in his parent's basement.

Dad: “Son, there’s nothing wrong with the odd big in the kitchen. My first yurt had roaches. But vampires are a complete dealbreaker. They’re IMPOSSIBLE to exterminate completely”.

Thank's Dad..... ugh... 

Dad: “I know. There’re the worst. Going around with the backs of their hands pasted to their foreheads saying silly dramatic things about being the Night...”

 NOT Helpful Dad!

Mom: "Well, not on Moving Day, they aren't."

*FACEPALM*
Clearly she has picked up a little of his humor as she said that with a perfectly straight face.

I should have absolutely never said a word about moving out. Just moved in secret and told them after the fact. I should seek out a Vampiric Gothic Wannabe roommate just to spite them.

I take that back. No... I don't want that kind of roomie.

As for Brighid... currently called the FUCKING FAMILIAR today.... she is great at pointing out the very very obvious thing I should do when all else fails. Clearly SHE knew it was the Full Moon. So, I do a Tarot reading, because, hell if I know what to do for the day and how to find the right apartment. I should have looked at the calendar first and then told her NO. Full Moon readings almost always freak me out.

Three of stones for a light draw. Creativity. Listen to your inner voice, meditate, focus your energy in the direction you wish to go..... That was not so bad. Tho, unhelpful. Like DUH... this IS what I have been doing and thus far I have not found anything, nor a suitable roommate. And ya, my gut also agreed with Brighid, so out come the cards. Here we go......

So I settle down and do a proper reading. I cast circle, call the quarters, and lay out the cards as intuition bids me to. My intuition is boring. I used the traditions Celtic Cross.

Querent (Me): 5 Stones - Endurance
Inner strength and Endurance to protect myself. Emotional resilience. I suppose that... yes... that is me.

Crossing me: 6 Stones - Exploitation
I am being crossed by exploitation, being overused. By who? My parents? No way..... Work? School? 

Beneath me / Supporting me / Root of the Matter: Mirrors
I am supported by the Spirit World and my guides. Or... the root of the matter is.... the world of magic and Spirits is what is the root of my problem with finding an apartment?!

Behind me / Past: The Pole Star
Universal Law, spiritual knowledge.... everything I have been learning is basically my past. Thanks. That is a great big DUH!

Crowning me: 2 of Bows - Decisions
The things that may happen and the things occupying my mind are... decisions... Thanks... Captain Obvious. The Gate is open and waiting for positive action. Great.... and that positive action is???

Before me / Possible Future: The Journey
*facepalm* Let go of old thinking, old ways, things that have outlived their usefulness and step into a new journey. Do not be afraid to let go and move forward. Under normal circumstances, I would embrace that idea. But whenever someone said 'Do not be afraid' then there usually something to be afraid of.

Hopes & Fears: 6 of Arrows - Transition
New possibilities, travel, moving towards a new purpose. I can chalk that up to my hopes... but at the same time a little of my fears.

Family & Friends: 8 of Arrows - Struggle
Failure and struggle, but there is still hope. Courage is needed to survive. That... that does not bode well for my friends and family. Will it play a role in my decision making?

Dreams & Ideals / Major Influences on Outcome: Ace of Bows - Spark of Life
Creative spark of life, human creativity, mastering our gifts and harnessing the elements & Spirit. I know I have a lot yet to learn. But.... I am not exactly a  "creative" person....

The Outcome: World Tree
Bridge between human and Spirit. End of the journey. Gift of Wisdom. Thanks...... thanks.

Overall.... that was NOT Helpful. Full Moon or not... This reading didn't tell me anything new or helpful. I needed advice on how to find an apartment and roommate.

I guess I will just go back to reading up on the No Self and Negation of Self and how these are not Nihilism in the understanding that there is no I or Ego in the Madyamaka of Nagarjuna. One pile of nonsense to yet another pile of nonsense. Thank the gods I have work. Work makes sense.

Well, that was overall not so bad. Maybe I have gotten over whatever has my divination borked to working only on the full moons and being scary as shit on full moons.