Help?

Will November 3rd ever end?!

Mom came thru the portals to my apartment. I wish that was more exciting and nerve-wracking in the way it should be for the normal average person having their mom over for the first time ever in their first apartment. This was a bit of a let-down in those terms. Mom came, glanced about, vetted Enke the Murder Nanny, and then saw herself out after agreeing to discuss with Dad about helping us out.

So... tentative help?

I checked in on Levi. He had a rough evening. His help fell through badly apparently.

We checked in with Blythe and Riley. GAK! Riley literally went missing after futsing with some magical button. Seriously? Magical button of unknown properties? In all the fretting.... Riley did show back up again with some other person to help.

Not having any clue how to handle helping Bythe and Riley sort out the issues that have with the three targets. Nor sort out the questionable target. OH! WAIT! FULL MOON! Yes... I can do something.

Divination! I have never thot my divination a useful thing till this moment. DUH! I fetched my cards and did a couple short readings for clearish answers. Concluding answer? Questionable guy is either Naphandi (how the hell to I spell that?) or seriously in league with them. So... might as well be one.

I wonder... can I use divination to PLAN an outcome and manipulate time and outcomes?
No... definitely NOT going to play with that notion. It is just a question to ask someone else much later.

I did realize that I absolutely could manipulate coffee to be poisonous. I am just not used to thinking outside the box and with my magical spheres.

I invited Blythe and Riley... and uh... their help?... to our place for tea. OH SHIT! Enke! Blythe isn't supposed to know she is here. Enke decided to go for a walk and I could text her when our meeting over tea was over. Hm... I put on coffee, remembering that Riley and Blythe do not do tea.

While preparing coffee and tea, I popped onto Amazon.ca and hunted up a nice folding screen that can go into the living room to give Enke some discreet privacy.

Reigning it in

Yes... still Nov. 3rd, 2017...... 

I took the portal to Terra Perma with Brighid. I knew I was early by a little bit, so I didn't want to be in the Horizon Realm just yet. I wanted to get a hold of myself and reign in the turmoil. I will not be able to learn anything or save lives if I am out of sorts as I have been. 

The start of reigning things in was resolving my anger with Levi and giving him the gift as a reminder that I care and am not mad at him. This is NOT all his fault. He was not able to speak about thing. He is a little younger than I am. I bet he is just as scared. I have been a rock for so many other people. I need to be a rock for him, too. I can do that.

I started working on my focus and reminding myself of my values through the jounralling and the transcribing of The Art of Peace. I took a walk through the real world woods. BRRRRrrrrr...... Then I sat on a meditation mat in Wellness Center that Mom uses as a dojo or workshop training area. There I sat and did some more transcribing.

The Art of Peace is the art of learning deeply,
the art of knowing oneself.

From here, I got up and moved through every kata I know, every movement of Aikido and every motion related to Do. I stretched and moves slow so as to maintain deep control as I had seen Andrew do. I did not put power or magic behind any of it, just feeling my body remember the movements. Being one with these movements was a good feeling. After, I stood, centered, and grounded. I poured myself some tea from my thermos into my personal cup and sat to transcribe a little more.

Study the teachings of the pine tree, the bamboo, and the plum blossom.
The pine is evergreen, firmly rooted, and venerable.
The bamboo is strong, resilient, unbreakable.
The plum blossom is hardy, fragrant, and elegant.

I can be deeply rooted and rely on old teachings and wisdom. I can be strong and flexible... unbreakable. I can be enduring and graceful/gracious.

To practice properly the Art of Peace, you must:
- Calm the spirit and return to the source.
- Cleanse the body and spirit by removing all malice, selfishness, and desire.
- Be ever grateful for the gifts received from the universe, your family, Mother Nature, and your fellow human beings.

I took some time to meditate deeply and release the stress within. I am better than this, better than I have been. I can do better. I need to. People will be counting on me.

I felt a great deal more stable after all this. I refilled my teacup and stepped outside to face the north. I touched the ground with my palms, leaving my teacup between my feet, and offered my thanks for the ground upon which I walk and the stability Earth provides me. 

I turned to the east and spread my arms out wide, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I gave thanks to Air for the air that I breathe and the knowledge I have in my head through all I have learned so far. 

I turned to the south, made fists, and crossed by wrists over my chest. I gave thanks to Fire for the fires outside of that keep us warm, protect us, and cook our food. I also gave thanks for the Fire within, the spark of inspiration and courage to do what is write... even if it is scary. 

I turned to the west, picked up my teacup, sipped about half and poured a libation of the rest upon the ground. I gave thanks to Water for sustaining me, refreshing me, and reminding me to be fluid/flexible/adaptable. I thanked Water for lending is qualities of healing to all that I do and will do.

Finally, I returned to facing north. I performed a self blessing, touching feet, knees, groin, chest, and lips:

Blessed be my feet that walk the sacred path.
Blessed be my knees that kneel at the sacred altar.
Blessed be my loins from which spring forth pleasure and life.
Blessed be my chest formed in beauty and in strength.
Blessed be my lips that utter the sacred words.
Blessed be all of me.

One final Centering and grounding out in this cold and then I rook my teacup and myself back inside. I think I am ready now. I packed my things in my backpack and lifted Brighid to my shoulder. Then I used the portal there in the back to enter the Sanctuary's dojo.

I hope Mom is back and has resolved things with Dad. I hope I am doing the right thing.

I walked to the house seeking them out and seeking dinner.

The Meeting

 Still November 3rd, 2017

 I hated Second Cup tables. They were always so small. I ordered a large earl grey tea that I could pour into my own cup, to which I added enough milk and sugar to mask how terrible this bagged tea is.  Then I sat at one of those small tables where I can put my back to the wall. I made a neat little pile of a leather journal with a Moonman fountain pen and a bottle of Diamine Ancient Copper. I took out my own journal, a second smaller leather journal, another new Moonman fountain pen, and a bottle of Iroshizuku Kon Peke blue ink. I filled my new pen with ink then poured the crappy tea into my personal cup (hoping the tea in my cup will help me regain some calm and some confidence). I also took out my Art of Peace book. I had a little plan for killing these 2 hours.

I journalled my day so far... having gotten into the habit since I met Levi and moved in with him. I also had acquired a couple more fountain pens and a small collection of inks. If they were drugs, someone would be concerned that I had an addiction problem. I found that journalling with the fountain pen, slowed my writing and my chaotic thots. It gave me another tool, along with healing, martial arts, and tea. These brought calm and focus.

Once the journalling was done, I put it into my backpack and turned my attention to the new little leather bound book I bought at Nota Bene. Time to start transcribing The Art of Peace. I had said that I needed more training, so I have started with this for the moment.

12th statement

Inner principles give coherence to things; the Art of Peace is a method of uncovering those principles.

 

15th statement

Use your body to create forms; use your spirit to transcend forms; unify body and spirit to activate the Art of Peace.

Part of me is certain this man was part of the Akashic Brotherhood. Then again... it is less limited to what I understand of the Akashic Brotherhood. I find his work the closest to what I actually practice and believe. There is so much Verbena in here with the Akashic.... I wish I could meet him in person and learn from him. Did he blend paths as I have?

2nd statement

One does not need buildings, money, power, or status to practice the Art of Peace.

Heaven is right where you are standing, and that is the place to train.

 

 That is a good reminder. I have skimmed thru this text before. And as I was about to transcribe another statement, Levi walked in. It was about 2:30pm. He approached the table and I reminded him that he needed to order first here as they don't serve, in case he didn't know. He didn't know. When he sat, I told him that I refused to stay mad at him. And pushed forward the little bundle of leather journal, fountain pen and ink. He was ... beyond flabbergasted and deeply gracious. When we get home (because the apartment is home), I will do a dedication rite for these tools and invite him to what I do. Gifting him felt like the right thing to do, moreso now seeing his reaction.

The Technocrats arrived precisely on time. Should I have expected anything else of them? Riley came in first like a body guard. Then Blythe moved past him removing her shades. She looked like a power corporate now and not like a Westmount Mom. Riley headed off to get them both coffee while she came to sit with us. I made room on the table for their coffees and reminded them that the tea here is crap. They are coffee people. I think it is a Technocrat thing.

My stoic calm clearly is not yet stable. Why? Because they need backup to kill people!!

They called it "taking care of an internal problem" whereby they need to "clean house" and expect some resistance. They were asking for help, asking us if we could bring in help because clearly they have zero confidence in us. Then... why us and not more competent people? I don;t think they are wrong in doubting us. They have three powerful targets they have to hit simultaneously. Thus why they need help.

I am having a conversation about killing people...... They say 2 of them are definitely Nefandi, but are not sure of the third so want to capture him to find out. 

I am having a conversation... about... KILLING PEOPLE!

After a brief discussion about Nefandi and how sure they are of two of their targets, after a discussion about my and Levi's actual capacity to help, I agree to assist them... as a healer. However, I remind them that I am NOT their tool to just... use. That said, I agree to ask my parents, because I don;t know any other mages.

We spent a bit of time... or they did... brainstorming how to take out their targets and trying to understand what Levi and I are capable of. 

I cannot believe it, but I suggested working with my tea as a discrete method of "taking them out" because I am good with tea and can easily work with tea as magical and non-magical things. Medicine and poison are such a fine line. Alas, Technocrats are die hard coffee drinkers. Blythe could not understand why I could manipulate tea and not coffee. Maybe I can manipulate coffee... I have no idea. I KNOW I can manipulate tea. Did they want to experiment with something they need precision with? Apparently not. But to my satisfaction, Blythe concluded she will never drink tea I give her.... in case it is a toxic brew.

Dinner with my parents will be... interesting (likely of the Chinese Curse kind).

Anyhow, the Technocrats provided Levi and I with laptops they have modified (because hell no am I letting them futs with my laptop that has my thesis on it). The shared their information about these targets with us. Apparently Blythe is a data monkey or number cruncher... so.... Riley is like... the big guns. If we were a D&D group.... I would say we are fucked. Not enough fighters, but at least they have a healer. Me. I guess they know this too and that is why they are asking for help. Oh... and they have a 72hr window to do this. 

Three days is NOT enough time to train more and find help..... and yet... apparently that is all we have.

Levi and I headed home with our new Technocratic toys. Walking back from the metro to our apartment, someone was sitting on our steps. A short woman with blond hair wearing a grey coat. Using my senses from a distance, I could detect that she was uncertain, angry, and depressed, and also NOT an awakened or maybe she is hiding it well. I hated how these Technocrats made me so skittish of everything and marred my ability to be a gentleman. I left Levi's side to purposely be a gentleman and ask if she needed help.

Oh... get this...

She is German, named Enke and worked for Blythe as the Murder Nanny. Mirazaki sent her to help protect us.... to be out Murder Nanny. And... we are not to tell Blythe that this is where she was. She is human, ish, but "enhanced" like ... a cyborg ish? Do we trust her? Do we ditch her to the road? I hate that all this has turned me into this horrible person! 

 

I agree with Levi that she can stay. We both trust Mirazaki. My mother trusts and respects Mirazaki, so I will too. We now have a Murder Nanny to protect our home. I hope Brighid likes her. That will be my true test of if she can stay or not. For now, she can crash on the sofa till we figure out better accommodations.

I head to my room, collect up Brighid, and head to the Sanctuary to meet my parents for dinner.

What to do...

 Friday, November 3rd, 2017

It was the eve of the Full Moon... the Birch Moon... a time to start New Things.

This was not what I had in mind.

Waking in the Sanctuary, Levi roused from the futon to rush off to his classes. It makes me wonder why the fuck we do this mundane stuff knowing there is something out there and we need to fight it with magic. My family is weird. Levi is weird. They are all weird. I search out breakfast. The landscape is so... pretty. I can see how my parents might not want to leave. Oh... the aurochs are still around.

Parental info  was... scant. But apparently my parents knew a great deal more about this mess. Levi is associated with someone called Whitecastle... the Whitecastles. She.... a former technocrat who is technically good... like all others are not. It was a frank talk... but still wasn't everything.

They just want the best for me. I get that. They wanted me to make my own choices. They didn't push me to be initiated into either of their traditions. They believe adaptability and fluidity are actually better, and will benefit me more than locking into any one tradition. I would have had to choose otherwise. How can I do that. I connect evenly with both traditions and have made them into something uniquely my own. Will it be enough? Am I enough?

Dad explained that my choices... if I live. That did NOT please my mother who walked out... so fast and so mad that she vanished... magic. "Dad... I hope you can construct a doghouse."

While hiding in this peaceful place is a nice idea... I like the world. I want to protect it... and the people trying to save the innocent and unawakened. I need to learn more. I need to know more. I talked with my parents about learning more. They invited me back tonight to do just that.I need more magical training... martial and healing... or find a way to forge my own path.

So, I will come back tonight and hope they are both here to help teach me, help me to be ready for what is to come. First, tho, head back to the apartment, and spend some time journalling and reviewing what I already know. I will take up my Jo Staff and see what I can recall of that so that I am ready for training tonight.

After working out some of my frustrations and nervousness, I have to say I kind of miss the odd non-relationship I had with Levi. I am not very good at being mad at someone. So I headed over to Mandy's for some lunch. First time in a while that I was there without him. I must have appeared sad and pathetic the way Mandy looked at me. 

As I left and was pondering what to do next..... GAK! The Technocrats texted me. They want to have a meeting for coffee and talking and "plotting" whatever that means. 3pm at Second Cup on Sherbrooke near McGill University. They said Levi would be there. I might be mad at him, but I am not that mad at him to leave him to that alone. I agree to go. And then... Levi texts me about this 3pm meeting. Nice of him to include me this time. I let him know that I already know of it.... wait.... They want us for what? BACKUP!?! WTF?! Levi doesn't know why... or so he says. I send Dad a text about the meeting....... just in case I get killed or something. AND, I remind myself that I am NOT angry at Levi. A bit distrusting, but not mad. At the moment... he is all I have out here magically speaking.

That kind of sounds pathetic... like I have no other friends, nor a girlfriend or boyfriend.... 

UGH... I don't.... sigh....

I sat on our apartment stairs considering us... Levi and I. What inspired me to be bold enough to ask if he needed a roommate? What was the common ground... other than magic? RIGHT! The fountain pen! That seemed like a good way to start fresh on better footing. Maybe it means nothing to him, but starting fresh means something to me. I went in and packed my bag, kiss Brighid and let her know where I was going, grabbed the Art of Peace and my journal.... considered my Jo Staff, but I was taking the metro and the Jo staff was a bit conspicuous. I headed out early. My goal? Popped into Asiatica for some specialty tea, then up to Nota Bene for some new writing supplies and peace offerings before settling into the Second Cup. I arrived early, very early, like a couple hours early.

No... it doesn't get better....

Note to self.... Levi is the WORST NON-RELATIONSHIP NON-BOYFRIEND EVER!

Levi lied to me about almost everything about himself and why he is here. With some good reasons. Magical blow up the world paradox crap. I still hate being lied to and hate being hedged into someone's box before I have consented..... Yet here I am... in the fucking box.

After meeting with my teacher and trying to pretend the brunch never happened, I picked up Levi and headed back home to order seriously not good for me food... pizza. I needed pizza. PIZZA! It has all the food groups, is magical like the sacred circle, and is super grounding. I needed serious grounding food.

Levi has been spying on Blythe. Blythe... The technocrat with the mom-vibe and a family. He thinks Blythe will defect. HA! I DON'T THINK SO!

This is a terrible day........

And it doesn't get better........

After much too much pizza, I felt grounded enough to do my work shift on the ambulance. 8pm - 4am. Blessedly boring.

I got back home and poked in on Levi to see if he wanted to go thru to the Sanctuary with me to look for my dad.

Oh... and get this... MY DAD KNEW ALL THIS SHIT ALREADY!!!

I needed to make tea. 

I gave dad hell for being out of touch and unreachable. HE SHOULD CHECK HIS MESSAGES ONCE IN A WHILE! What if I was dying in a ditch trying to reach him?! Or shot my Mr. Riley Military Technocrassassin.

I gave Dad my journalled notes detailing the chaos of the day's meeting with the Technocrats.

Levi is a bit confused by a variety of...  oh whatever. He might have had his mind wiped or as it is called partially sanitized.... SUCK!

I give up for now. Back to my Sanctuary hut. Levi bunks on the futon. Blessedly, I have Brighid to snuggle with and I get some much needed good sleep.

Levi... clearly is not sleeping well.